New Words, and what they import.
Hmmm, I feel like I’m very much in an umbral state between the light and the darkness. Like I’m coming out of the fugue of the past. And seeing the world around myself, covered in twilight shadows, tendrils of inky mist.
Fall is arriving, and for me it’s always been part of my favorite time of year. The weather is typically cooler, to make up from hot sweltering summers, and just before the pernicious freezing flakes of cold caress the earth once more. The leaves begin to change, from the riot of greens, into an explosion of oranges, and yellows, and reds. Nature’s pre-hibernation shedding.
I know it’s like the death of summer, but it’s always felt, for a lack of eloquence, right and comfortable to me. Like the sweltering changes of the burning heat, begint to abate, leaving a new healthier life to crawl forth from the chrysalis. Children begin the dance of knowledge again. Love is very much in the air. Evenings tasting wine, and trying new things. Exploring the concrete jungle. And enjoying the beautiful lush environment.
And for me, it’s almost the living metaphor for my past life. I’m still working through that fugue. I’m plowing through, but feel like a piece of muscle that’s atrophied from lack of use. Sore, weakened, and tired. Yet full of the will, and the vigor of determination.
The soundtrack from the Lord or the Rings is playing, and it feels very apropos. Like a great battle has taken place, and things that are truly important to me, are just out of reach. And I’ve got to figure out how to get there. And while I have no doubts I’ll achieve whatever I really set my mind to, to bettering my life. My hopes, are that, which was lost, unbeknownst to me, will be found a new.
And I’m still coming to that point where there is nothing that can specifically be done to get that which was lost back. Other than give things the time to reconnect. The tissue, and sinews need time to reknit, and retighten. Blood needs to flow back into those muscles, bringing much life giving oxygen. And from there. The doors are open to endless possibilities. And I’m still having to come to those terms.
That doors once closed, may be reopened. I guess the melancholy of those closed doors is still with me. As it should be. I know deep down, that in the darkest recesses of my inner core.. that I long to be with someone. And while I can reconcile the lack of that companionship as something that sadly needed to be. I’m getting to the point, where I want to share that time and day, and experience, with someone close.
Speaking of these things feels right, like helping to lift the boulder of Sisyphus, from out of the way and pushing it to the side. And strange, that I feel more comfortable writing it in a place where all may see and judge. Yet normally, I’m a very private and intensely personal individual. I guess more of the changes coming to fruition.
Well I’ve got more thoughts, and like my others, I shall avail the world of their unlimbering.